I was supposed to spend yesterday packing for India so I could climb on a plane today and fly off into the sunset. I was going to spend 20 days in a place I’d never been — volunteering and traveling through southern and northern India, as well as Nepal. I’d planned to use this time to cleanse my palette, so to speak, and prepare myself for my new life. Experiencing unimaginable sights, sounds, tastes and coming home even more grateful than before I’d left…at least that was the plan before life decided to happen.
Yesterday I found out my mom has stage IV ovarian cancer and chemo starts today. The decision to postpone my India trip was a no-brainer the moment she uttered “the C word” last week. I wish I could say I was surprised but something in my being knew this is what we’d hear. I’m not really sure how to process the news. I can’t tell if I’m numb…incapable of wrapping my brain around what it means…or at peace with the knowledge that death is so very much an inescapable part of life. Maybe it’s a bit of all three.
I know one thing – writing just became a whole lot more important. And so did staying present in the moment and not getting completely caught up in dreaming or making plans. I mean, you can make all the plans you want but when it comes down to it, there’s already a bigger plan at play….it’s life and we aren’t necessarily in control of it. It’s what we deal with, react to, feel our way through every day.
I’ve always been a believer that we don’t get thrown anything we can’t handle. I know it sounds trite, but I really do believe it. I also believe that just when you think it’s too much, you find the strength you need and you round the corner. That positive thinking can change every thing….EVERY THING! That love can move mountains and everyone we meet is a teacher – if we just take the time to be open to the lesson.
Those are the things that I’ll draw upon during this part of my journey. I’m sure there will be moments of sadness, fear, and anger but more than anything there will be happiness and love. As this part begins, I’ve never felt so supported and loved by those in my life…and I know that’s not by accident. So while it looks a little different than I had planned, life decided to happen and I’m gonna roll with it.
PS: Don’t worry, this isn’t going to become a cancer blog. This is but one part of my journey and I plan to write about the whole thing….whatever I’m feeling each day….about the multi-dimensions of living, loving, and learning. Namaste